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What has one eye, no mouth, and everyone agrees that it always makes a good point.

A needle.

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What do you call it when the mother and midwife work hard together to give birth to a baby?

A labor union.

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What did the rancher say to the person he thought was taking down parts of his fence?

I'm accusing you, but I hope you don't take offence.

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What happened when Max’s wife asked him to get plums from the grocery store?

He plum forgot.

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Why do some people like to eat these?

It gives them a peas-ful feeling.

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How did Cynthia feel about the fact that pollen counts were low?

She felt that was nothing to sneeze at.

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When it rains, how are trees and grass similar to people?

They enjoy taking a shower.

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What was the zoo like when all the bears were sent to a different zoo?

It was unbearable.

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What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

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How does a salesman fasten a customer's attention to a sales pitch?

It has to be fasten-ating.

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Because Gus was always happy, what was his nickname?

Fungus.

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Why is the plural of garbage garbage?

No matter how much garbage there is, it's still garbage.

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