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What did Ted say about his playing a bagel in the school play?

My role is a roll.

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What do you call a thief that leaves no clues?

Stainless steal.

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What music makes a person feel like a worn out cloth?

Rag time.

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What is happening here?

It's raining cats and dogs.

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Why did Arlene bring a piece of wood and a dog to her first weaving class?

She heard they were going to learn about the warp and the woof.

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What is an example of a contact sport where nobody touches anyone else?

When people hide each others' contact lenses.

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What do you call a bat that makes short, periodic dinging noises?

A dingbat.

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Why was the carpet depressed?

It felt a lack of respect because everyone walked all over it.

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How are making puns similar to oil drilling?

They both can be crude or refined.

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Why do UN ambassadors stay so healthy?

Diplomatic Immunity

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How did the English teacher teach the class spelling?

She cast them under her spell.

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How did the Teddy Bear feel after dinner?

It felt stuffed.

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