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What is true about this famous journalist?

His name is Mudd

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What can you say about a person who as an acute sense of smell?

He nose alot.

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Why did the luxury home builder use only inexpensive laminate kitchen countertops?

He lost his marbles

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Why did Sam get up from bed in the morning?

He decided he wasn't going to take it lying down anymore.

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Why did Martha feel bad for her calendar?

Because its days are numbered.

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What do you call a veterinarian that used to be in the army?

A vet vet.

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What do reptiles and music have in common?

They both have scales.

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Why was it so easy to reverse-engineer this dessert recipe?

It was a piece of cake.

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Have you heard of the band called Cellophane?

They're a wrap group.

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How do weight loss clinics refer to conversations regarding restricted foods?

Ate speech

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How did the Teddy Bear feel after dinner?

It felt stuffed.

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What is a cane called that a shepherd uses to get animals to move faster?

A hurry cane.

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