Pictures:

What do you call a holy man who walks barefoot and has bad breath from fasting so much?

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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What is it called if a person agrees in order to get something in return?

A greed.

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Why did the kleptomaniac go to the doctor?

He wanted to know what he could take for his condition.

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What is a trumpet made from a shoe called?

A shoe horn.

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How did the teacher feel when he realized that no one was paying attention to him?

He felt like he was the chairman of the bored.

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Why did this man put baseball players and prisoners on a scale?

He was weighing the pros and cons.

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Why didn't Pharaoh believe anything Moses said?

It was in a State of de Nile.

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Why did Matt guard his fence?

He didn't want anyone to take offence.

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What is true about this famous journalist?

His name is Mudd

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Why did the athlete's manager have him take trains instead of planes?

He felt he could use all the training he could get.

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Why do chickens tend to have egg-streme political opinions?

Because they don't like being in the middle of the road.

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Why did the writer visit the U.S. Mint?

To coin a phrase.

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