Pictures:

What did pregnant Emily and the library book she was reading have in common?

They were both due in September.

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What kind of doctor is specifically assigned to you?

Your-ologist.

2451

What kind of bean has regrets?

A coulda bean.

731

Which sea creature is stranger than a platypus?

An odder

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What part of a computer screen doesn't speak so nicely?

The cursor.

3076

What is it called when a car has a good mother?

Good car ma.

1757

Why did Joe stop stealing, get a job with a salary?

He found that crime does not pay.

2609

What is the healthiest kind of table?

A vege-table.

1017

What do you get when your optician is a comedian?

A man who makes a spectacle of himself.

1060

What is a hat made of bottles called?

A bottle cap.

2628

What part of the day does not have an odd amount of Ning?

The Even Ning.

2675

What is the study of the fancy speech that con-men use called?

Prose and cons.

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