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What device do psychologists use to measure positive emotions?

An Oh!dometer

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What does a snake say when it bites?

Don't take it poisonally.

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How does one obtain a very firm crease from the dry cleaner?

Request an increase.

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Why did Joe use so much weather stripping?

He opposed the draft.

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What is it called if a baseball pitcher throws a small model of an elevator?

An elevator pitch.

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What is a contradictory fact about this specific school?

It's off a 4 lane highway.

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If a hiker meets in the woods a large bear on the left and a small bear on the right, what should he do?

Bear right.

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What do geese and cars have in common?

They both honk.

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What are tests in cosmetic school called?

Make-up exams.

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Why can't you trust a school system that has no one running the schools?

They have no principles.

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What was it called when Samantha texted her friend about the great date she was on?

It was an update about the up date.

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What did the sculptor do before he sculpted the subject's head?

He had to plan a head.

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