Pictures:

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

Because it was two tired.

1330

Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

1704

What do you call someone who helps on a farm?

A farm assist.

2485

Why did the kleptomaniac go to the doctor?

He wanted to know what he could take for his condition.

1654

Why did Fred stop being an accountant?

He started hearing invoices.

2111

Why was the teacher arrested for using a compass and a ruler?

They are considered weapons of maths destruction.

671

Why is bread a lot like the sun?

Because it rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.

1570

What does Sudafed mean?

Bringing litigation against a government official.

716

What does the word 'avoidable' mean?

It's what a bull fighter tries to do.

715

What is a book about all the things that a person thinks they should have done differently?

An oughta-biography.

1341

What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?

Stationary.

1925

Why did Betty distrust stairs?

She felt they were always up to something.

1333