Pictures:

Why did Tom get fired from the kitchen hardware business?

He couldn't get a handle on it.

379

What did the driver say when she nearly hit a fawn crossing the street?

Oh deer!

268

How are marriage and divorce similar?

In both cases, you tie a knot (not)

1498

How did guests know chili would be served at the party?

Somebody spilled the beans.

1822

What happens if fowl don't build nests for winter?

They go cold turkey.

1276

What was Salvador Dali's favorite breakfast?

Surreal

2372

What is the largest bone on a hippo?

Their hips.

1065

What is the exact enrollment at the Carmelite Convent?

Nun

1499

Why don't ATM machines provide quarters?

It doesn't make cents.

2240

Why do we use the term "rode" once we've ridden?

We've been down that road before.

1094

What do you call a broken garbage receptacle?

A has bin.

72

Why did the army's mortar shells keep falling out?

They were dealing with a loose canon.

215