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Akiva Lane
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How did Jack learn to give himself a haircut?

He knew it off the top of his head.

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Akiva Lane
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What was it called when Samantha texted her friend about the great date she was on?

It was an update about the up date.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Mike concerned about the liquids that he drank?

Because after he drank them, they were drunk.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a rat whose name is Demmik?

Demmik Rat.

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Akiva Lane
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What 2 letters are similar to jealousy?

NV

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Akiva Lane
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When the new driver felt he was driving too fast, what was very confusing to him?

He didn't know if he should slow down or slow up.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you describe a doctor that is against nasal sprays?

He's anti anti-histamines.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the condition called where a person is not allergic to cars?

Auto immune condition.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the barbershop realize it was a mistake to have two barbershop poles?

People thought it was bi-polar.

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Akiva Lane
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What did Bill say when Max wanted to kill a bug that landed on Bill's watch?

You're not going to do that on my watch.

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Akiva Lane
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What is similar about doctors' situations before and after they graduate from medical school?

First they need patience, and then they need patients.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you describe a cow that is very particular about the food it eats?

It chooses its cud.

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