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Akiva Lane
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If before marriage a man is incomplete, what is he after he gets married?

He's finished.

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How did Angela feel when she saw a rattlesnake in the park?

She felt rattled.

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When Mitchel lost money in a risky investment, why did he feel like his clean suit?

Because they had both been taken to the cleaners.

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What are some things a person can do if they are stuck thinking about the past?

The can buy 'presents' for other people, or go to a river and look at the 'current'.

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Did Bill Clinton find his wife funny?

He thought she was Hillarious

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What pictures did the family put on the bedroom curtains?

Pictures of tomatoes and eggplants because they are nightshades.

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Since Al Capone was active during prohibition, what was his nick-name?

Al Cahol

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What do you call an eating contest to see who can eat the fastest?

The gulp war.

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What is confusing about alarms that get activated?

Do alarms go off, or do they go on?

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Why did Martha like circles?

Because it has the best all-around shape.

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What jail do bad jokes go to?

The pun-itentiary.

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Why should a person not use black envelopes?

People mind think it's black mail.

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