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How did farmer Jones know not to feed his ox eggs?

Because the ox rebelled against any yokes.

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What pictures did the family put on the bedroom curtains?

Pictures of tomatoes and eggplants because they are nightshades.

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What liquid is able to run?

Running water.

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What is the opposite of an 'out voice', and what must be done with it?

An invoice, and it must be paid.

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What is ironic about Greenland and Iceland?

Greenland is mainly ice, and Iceland is mainly green.

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What math term did Alice not like?

The mean.

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Bill saved his pennies all year to buy a present for his wife, and brought them to a store, and do you know what he got?

A hernia.

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Why did Bill buy 2 pieces of chord, and gave one to his girlfriend?

He wanted to tie the knot.

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What happened to the kitchen pot when it's owner found it's lid?

It's now fully recovered.

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When the tree was cut down, why did it not know how to react?

It was stumped.

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What is the person who a cougher coughs on called?

Coffee.

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How do we know that the ancient Egyptians were not honest?

They were into pyramid schemes.

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