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What's a good name for a tanning salon?

Tan Fastic.

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How did John feel when his alarm clock woke him up?

He found it alarming.

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Why did Arnold dislike snakes?

He felt they were creepy.

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Why did Amanda move slowly on days that she didn't eat in order to lose weight?

She moved slowly on fast days.

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Why are ticks in Rome full of love?

Because they are romantics.

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How did Johnny feel when he spent all the pennies in his piggy bank?

It left him cents-less.

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When Shakespeare had writer's block, what was his motto?

Where there's a Will, there's a way.

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Why are people who used to be perts very smart?

Because they are ex-perts.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

Because it was chicken.

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What do you call a demonstration at a diner?

A counter-demonstration.

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What is the difference between a fish and a bathroom?

A fish has many scales, and a bathroom usually has one scale.

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What kind of exercize is not worth doing?

An exercize in futility.

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