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Akiva Lane
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How is the metric system similar to a guy going on a date?

They both involve a 'meet her'.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call someone who is an expert at choosing clocks for counter-tops?

Counter clock wise.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill buy 2 pieces of chord, and gave one to his girlfriend?

He wanted to tie the knot.

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Akiva Lane
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What do geese and cars have in common?

They both honk.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the bartender put rolls on the bar next to the drinks?

His motto was 'Roll with the punches'.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the hungry secretary like a clock?

At meetings she took minutes, and at meals she took seconds.

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Akiva Lane
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Why in the army do they avoid giving treats twice?

That would involve a re-treat.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the problem with a small group of people controlling a country?

It's just us, instead of justice.

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Akiva Lane
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On what kind of day does time seem to go slowest?

On a fast day.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't the two gangs have their scheduled showdown?

Because one gang didn't show up.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Alan give pennies to people in the street?

He felt the people would benefit by common cents.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a wasp that wants to make honey?

A wannabee.

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