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What do you call a scientist whose funding got taken away?

A mad scientist.

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Why did the prisoner break out of jail?

Because he couldn't finish a sentence.

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Why is it best to avoid jealousy?

Because it ends with lousy.

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What do you call someone who is always drinking coffee?

A caf-fiend.

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If a pineapple is a collection of fused berries, what is it called if a detached berry doesn't want to re-join the group?

It is refusing to refuse.

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Why did Sam invest in the perfume company?

It made a lot of scents.

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Why is it difficult to build submarines?

Whatever you build is sub-standard.

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Why did the maple tree feel bad?

When people took its maple syrup, it felt like such a sap, and it sapped its energy.

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What do spices and the earth have in common?

They are both ground.

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What does a baseball cap and an overturned boat have in common?

Cap size.

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Why didn't the entrepreneur's projects succeed?

Because they never made cents.

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What's the difference between looking for a parking space and washing clothes?

With one you want spots to appear, and with the other you wants spots to disappear.

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