Pictures:

What 5 letter word becomes shorter when you add 2 letters to it?

The word 'short'.

988

What starts with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters.

Post Office.

956

Why did the shoes cross the road?

Because the chicken was wearing them.

996

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In the dictionary.

992

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because it felt crummy.

962

Why did Barry get heartburn when he ate the birthday cake?

He forgot to take off the candles.

963

What happened to the magician driving down the street?

He turned into a driveway.

966

What gets wetter the more it dries.

A towel.

979

When Bobby threw a ball as hard as he could, why did it just come back to him?

He threw it up in the air.

989

Why did the reporter go into the ice cream parlor?

He wanted the inside scoop.

968

What does Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Their middle name.

993

Why is it hard to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament?

Good players are hard to find.

972