Pictures:

What is up and down at the same time?

When you go to sleep drunk, and feel down when you wake up with a hangover.

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Why didn't Arnie like downhill skiing?

He wasn't inclined to enjoy that kind of activity.

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Why did the priest act so differently in church?

It was his altar ego

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Do you ever see herds of animals roam cities?

It's practically unherd of.

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Why didn't Joe understand airplanes?

It was above his head.

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How do we know that only taking doesn't make relationships last?

"To get" plus 'to get" equals forget.

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What happens when military officers attend a party?

They order everyone "a round".

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Where you can get chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market

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What was it like during the thunderstorm on the camping trip?

It was intense in the tents.

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What do these have in common: a fish in the ocean, doing things well, and a small apartment?

They all involve efficiency.

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What is someone called who tunes the instruments for an opera house?

An opera tunist.

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Did the early frost kill all the fish in the fish pond?

No, they were just being koi.

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