Pictures:

What is it called when you use an Apple computer to cut through loads of information to find what you are looking for?

Mac the knife.

2141

Why are weddings often done under canopies?

To say that marriage is in tents.

1673

Why do some people like to eat these?

It gives them a peas-ful feeling.

3138

What do you call flies that are attracted to the smell of thyme?

Thyme flies.

2230

What do you call a thief that leaves no clues?

Stainless steal.

1658

Why was Linda afraid of using Chapstick?

Her pharmacist said it was lip bomb.

1393

Where did Shakespeare play as a child that helped him learn to write plays?

The playground.

3281

What are the odds that this man will slim down?

A fat chance.

380

How do weight loss clinics refer to conversations regarding restricted foods?

Ate speech

1463

Who invented tiny nails?

A guy named Brad.

1003

Why did the prisoner ask the judge to put words on a train?

Because he wanted the judge to commute his sentence.

412

Why don't elephants get upset very often?

They have thick skin.

1932