Pictures:

How did the the drunkard summarize his drinking binge?

With a short schnapsis

181

Why do some of these specific instruments look different from the others?

They're members of the opposite sax.

826

What happens to one's ability to walk after 8 drinks?

The results are staggering.

1235

Why do people dislike washing windows?

They're a pane.

371

What device do psychologists use to measure positive emotions?

An Oh!dometer

840

Why did the man buy so much bottled water?

There was a liquidation sale.

1026

What are these?

Cocoa Nuts

2665

How did the man who ate nothing but vegetable soup for decades live to be 100?

He took good stock in himself.

372

What happened when a jar of pickles spilled onto music sheets?

It made sour notes.

690

Why did Bob think this would be a balanced diet?

It was 3 square meals a day.

1303

Why are vultures always the last ones to leave a meal?

They have a bone to pick.

184

Why do 95% of bald people still own a comb?

They can't part with it.

2221