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How did Irving's family react when he wanted to be called Izzy?

They found it unnerving.

667

What can you say about a manager who enjoys firing people?

That he's playing with fire.

1203

Why were Bill's friends always calling him up?

Because his nickname was 'Up'.

3234

What did Marty use as a guide to make decisions?

Ascend if sends a good scent and makes sense.

2278

What's another name for Shakespeare in the Park, that does not charge an entrance fee?

Free Will.

624

What did Bill's therapist say about his putting plus signs in front of all numbers?

He said it was a good sign and a positive development.

109

How did Bill like making food on the grill?

It was grate.

2966

Why is the next fan the most popular?

Because it is fancy.

2859

How did people feel when the Eastern and Western railroads met?

They were glad to make ends meet.

1327

How did Jack learn to give himself a haircut?

He knew it off the top of his head.

2127

When the teacher said there's no such thing in English as a double positive making a negative, how did a student respond?

Yeah, right.

2302

Why is a mind like a parachute?

It only works when it is open.

175