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Can a person who complains all the time be a vegetarian?

No, because he always has a beef.

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What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

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How do you describe a water dispenser that is broken?

It's out of order, and it's out of water.

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How did Alan charge his cell phone?

He paid for it with a credit card.

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How did Melissa feel when she found out, after waiting in line, that the concert was sold out?

She found it disconcerting.

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Why did Jim's friends buy him a 10-foot pole?

Now he has a 10-foot pole to not touch objectionable things with.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't Angela like shopping for fruits and vegetable?

Because often they were very fresh.

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When Samantha's parrot flew away, what shape did it remind her of?

Polygon.

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What kind of carrots are worth their weight in gold?

24 karats.

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What's the question about whether the word is spelled 'kibutz' or kibbutz'?

Two B's or not two B's, that is the question.

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Why did they come up with the phrase 'The Fastest Gun In The West'?

They wanted a slogan for a fast gun.

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What do you get when you are in a hurry?

You get going.

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