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Akiva Lane
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Why was Jim happy that after dieting he fit into his old clothes?

He knew that when it comes to dieting, it's survival of the fit-est.

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Akiva Lane
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When Joe was very tired, why did he go to the police station?

Because he needed arrest.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when people hold that only their belief system is valid?

Pious bias.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't the two gangs have their scheduled showdown?

Because one gang didn't show up.

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If the Allentown bank merged with Capital One bank, what would it be called?

Al Capone.

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What does the Constitution have in common with balancing a checkbook?

Checks and balances.

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What do programs, programmers, mathematics, lumbermills, and fireplaces all have it common?

They all use logs.

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Why did Bill's moving company shake the furniture as they moved it?

Because they wanted to be movers and shakers.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the publisher make wide margins when printing the Book of the Prophets?

He wanted wide Prophet margins.

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What does Shakespeare getting sick have to do with feeling angry at someone?

ILL WILL.

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What do you call a school with just a few students?

A minuscule mini-school.

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What 5 letters are just empty energy?

MTNRG

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