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Akiva Lane
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What does a liquor store have in common with a crowded highway?

They both have bottlenecks.

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Akiva Lane
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The order of what 2 syllables makes the difference between happy and sad?

Being upbeat is better than being beat up.

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Akiva Lane
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Why the quarterback run with the ball?

When he didn't see any receivers, his original plan didn't come to pass.

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Akiva Lane
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Why doesn't Clark Kent become Superman anymore?

He can't find a telephone booth.

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Akiva Lane
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When Martha was quiet when she found out she was pregnant, what was that called?

A pregnant silence.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you say when something valuable falls into a well by mistake?

Oh, well.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you do when you first feel an itch?

You start from scratch.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you describe someone who has gotten use to being a little crazy?

Home on deranged.

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Akiva Lane
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What do people in the US say when they want to use the metric system?

Take me to your litre.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a machine called that helps bulls go to sleep?

A bull dozer.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the mother say to get her son to stop playing video games and come to dinner?

Step up to the plate.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you add 4 letters to LAUGH and 1 letter to LAUGHTER to completely change their meaning?

OnsLAUGHt and sLAUGHTER.

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