Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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How did Jeff feel when his favorite porpoise in the aquarium was very sick?

He felt like he no longer had a porpoise.

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Why did Ed swim to the very bottom of his swimming pool?

He had a problem with the pool, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

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Why do people like peeling their own fruit?

Because if other people peel it, it has less appeal.

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What is a survey done over the phone called?

A telephone poll.

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What is it called when the letter E moves slowly?

Creep-E.

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Why did the mother love carry her child?

She started loving it when she carried him before he was born.

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Why should baggage with wheels not be called luggage?

Because it is wheeled and not lugged around.

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What do employment recruiters and cannibals have in common?

They're both called head hunters.

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What is a soda with a dye in it called?

Dye it soda.

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Why did the prisoner try to break out of jail?

He figured that after all that jail time, he needed a break.

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Why was it that in the ancient world harps could not be trusted?

Because they were all lyres.

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Why did Mr. and Mrs. Beaver find it hard to get along?

Because they found each other so dam a-gnawing.

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