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What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

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What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

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How did Bertha feel about the numbers 3, 5, 7, and 9?

She thought they were odd.

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What do you call a mine that might be silver and might be gold?

Either ore.

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How does wheat and rice know how to grow?

It's ingrained in them.

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Why did the general not want to look down at his boots?

He wanted to avoid de feet.

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What is it called when a homeowner tries to stop a foreclosure of his house?

House keeping.

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When Arnold found a well full of bees, why did he avoid it?

Because he wanted to be well.

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What did the knot say when it was asked, "Are you untied".

It answered, "I am knot".

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What did Fred say to the driver of the car that hit his car from the back?

You're a pain in the rear end.

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When Bill took the hot air balloon, why did he find it hard to concentrate?

Because then his head was in the clouds.

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What is a gym called filled with people who want to lose weight?

A waist land.

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