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What's the opposite of a Thanksgiving turkey?

A spring chicken.

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What did the wagon driver call his story about his horse that wouldn't slow down?

Tales of woah.

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What issue was Beth thinking about when deciding whether or not to vote Republican?

If the elephant is relevant.

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How did Bob become a carpenter?

He was an apprentice to a carpenter, and that nailed it.

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What is it called when someone gets tired because they are overweight?

Fatigue

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If a person was stranded on a desert island, what color would he find there?

Maroon.

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What do you call it when a person wants to jump into a sewer?

Sewer-cide.

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What is a partnership of 2 doctors called?

A pair-a-dox.

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If FedEx merged with UPS, what would the new company be called?

Fed Up.

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What was the result of Joe not having enough self-control with eating?

He found that it was a big waist.

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When Andy gave Meg the engagement ring, what playing card did Meg feel like?

The Queen of Diamonds.

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Why did Evelyn dislike being near chickens?

Because they used fowl language.

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