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Akiva Lane
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What is a good name for a company that certifies bones for dogs to chew on?

Bone-a-fide

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Who is not very good at match-making?

Smokey the Bear, because he doesn't like playing with matches.

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When Jerry looked at his legs, how did he know that he was eating too much?

His calves had become cows.

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How do you translate MS/DOS from Hebrew to English?

Honest Thinking (Emes Das)

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How did Bill feel when none of the off-switches for the lights worked?

He felt that they were all up-settings.

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What do you call a student with a private tutor?

He's in a class all by himself.

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What kind of running causes things to become empty?

Running out of things.

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How did Nancy feel when the lemon-sugar pie she made fell on the floor?

It was a bitter-sweet experience.

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What bread is similar to money that was gotten illegally?

Sour dough.

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What do Siamese twins say to each other before dinner?

Would you like to join me before dinner?

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How did Max feel about pulling his old couch to the junkyard?

It was such a drag.

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What do garbanzo beans have in common with a sedative for chickens?

Chick peace.

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