Pictures:

What do you get after you finish sleeping?

You get up.

86

What word means both 'large' and 'disgusting'?

Gross

2627

What do you call a hyphen that is the size of a football field?

A hundred yard dash.

135

What did Alan say about his daughter traveling so much after she won the state's beauty contest?

I miss miss Missouri.

1965

What do you call and aunt that doesn't like people?

Aunt Tipathy

1913

Why didn't Arnie like downhill skiing?

He wasn't inclined to enjoy that kind of activity.

1422

How did the clothing store sell the last dress that no one seemed to want?

They made a 'dis dress' sale.

1326

In a group of rabbits, how far are they from each other?

A hare's breath.

1764

What happened to the kitchen pot when it's owner found it's lid?

It's now fully recovered.

2626

Why did the student study outside in the cold?

Because he wanted to learn the subject cold.

2072

Why don't they sharpen pencils at both ends?

What's the point?

1687

What is it called when people hold that only their belief system is valid?

Pious bias.

889